That Guy At The Bar

We all know that guy at the bar. This guy’s main issue is picking up women. That guy at the bar will spend way too much time at home getting ready for his night out. His clothes are carefully picked out, hair perfectly gelled, cologne properly dabbed (always too much, of course), and he has to have a drink or two to take the edge off. Finally, he is ready to go.

As that guy at the bar arrives, he checks to make sure he has everything: money, ID, gum, sample-size cologne, fake Tag watch. He walks in and immediately gets a drink (again, for the edge). That guy at the bar usually takes a welcome lap around the bar. He acts like he is just saying hi to all his friends but in actuality he is checking out the talent. He makes mental notes on his 1st through 3rd round prospects. He may even attempt to identify his sleeper pick- the poor girl he believes would be his take-home pick if all else fails. However, usually this is done on his third trip to the bathroom. Keep in mind, none of his picks ever sign. But that doesn’t keep that guy at the bar from trying.

Throughout the night, that guy at the bar shallowly does and says things that are a manifestation of something quite deeper. If indeed he is able to catch a girl on a bad night- perhaps on the rebound, or extremely drunk, or maybe she is that girl at the bar- it will only mend the deeper issue; like putting a band-aid on a broken leg, that guy at the bar improperly dresses the wound of a broken heart. This is that guy at the bar.

You may know him as…